so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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