i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
