Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
