Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I want her autograph on my taint
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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