hell yes lets make some ravioli
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
