he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
