why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
