her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You are a genius and a whore.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
