If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
