Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
