its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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