I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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