We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
