I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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