I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
