I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
