Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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