well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
