he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
