my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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