My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
someone owes me an orgasm
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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