i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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