So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
