I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
