She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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