People with herpes should wear stickers.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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