I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
