you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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