did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
