I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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