we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
