Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
