My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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