ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
