just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't put those talents on a resume
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
