Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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