He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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