I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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