I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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