Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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