I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
