ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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