Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
