You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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