one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize