South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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