VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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