Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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