THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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