there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
