I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
