You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
