How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
