hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
