what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
