Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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