Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
