My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize