I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You made out with two different species that night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize