The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
