He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
