Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
