does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
