Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
