Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
