I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
