I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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