I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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