I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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