Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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