She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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