I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize