this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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