just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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